ego

 

So much of life concerns the ego. I started thinking of this today when I did not get a job I had interviewed for. I thought I had it. I was qualified, the interview went well. But nothing. And the truth is I didn’t really want the job. I wanted to be given the job so I could have the option of turning it down. I try and deny it but a key to life is obtaining leverage. Leverage is obtained by having options. There is a sense of idealism in me that fights this notion, but it is a concluded truth that won’t let it shake from me.

 

I want to find a place where I have control; where leverage is not needed. I guess that is the root of my feeling; complete lack of control. I know where I am going, I have set a course to get there, but the ability to reach it sometimes seems impossible. Hope is never lost. It is just closer some days then others. And today it lives in the distance.

 

 

I am re-working my script dropout. A new draft should be done by the end of next week. The shit is funny, man. It really is. I am going to put it on my site as soon as I can. Along with my novel I really want to polish my scripts that are a revision away from being done. I have like 5 of them. And then…And then…

 

Well, that part comes after. I have always believed in the domino theory. Ten years into this thing called writing I am finding close to actualizing that idea.